Post by Stephen on Dec 1, 2009 21:05:42 GMT -6
i called it, and i did it in style.
as temporary king of OLRmageddon, i decree the following as the theme - and accompanying bonus criterion - for the month of December, 2009:
THEME: YOUR ASS
In keeping with hOLRiday traditions such as putting your ass on Santa's foreass,
saddling asses as vehicles to witness the birth of Jesus, and the use of eggnog in getting drunk off your ass,
OLR will celebrate our proud Jewish heritage by limiting our remixable track pool...
to include only games where there is clear and convincing evidence that the character, unit, or other entity that the player controls, has as part of its anatomy or structural makeup, an ass or ass-analogue.
If multiple characters are controlled by the player, all of them must have asses (asses are not optional).
EXAMPLES OF ELIGIBLE GAMES:
Notice that most eligible titles feature humans or humanoids as your playable character.
EXAMPLES OF INELIGIBLE TITLES:
BONUS: MY ASS
Let's not forget who else has an ass - that's right, you do! The bonus condition is met if you can muster up the hOLRiday spirit to audibly incorporate your own ass into your remix.
Ever wanted your best friend to rhythmically slap your ass to the sounds of Vectorman?
Been waiting for an excuse to fart in your microphone to show all your friends how flexible you are?
Don't know what to do with that audio recording of your colonoscopy?
This is the most wonderful time of the year... FOR YOU!
(Due to the difficulty and potential embarrassment involved in the providing of evidence that it really was your ass and not someone else's, using anyone's ass noises is fine, even if you don't know who they are. Special considerations may be given to contestants who can demonstrate that they did, in fact, use their own ass.)
The most ass-accessible OLRmageddon ever is in full swing, and remember: It is better to give than to receive! So submit a fucking remix seriously this contest is like a ghost town now.
as temporary king of OLRmageddon, i decree the following as the theme - and accompanying bonus criterion - for the month of December, 2009:
THEME: YOUR ASS
In keeping with hOLRiday traditions such as putting your ass on Santa's foreass,
saddling asses as vehicles to witness the birth of Jesus, and the use of eggnog in getting drunk off your ass,
OLR will celebrate our proud Jewish heritage by limiting our remixable track pool...
to include only games where there is clear and convincing evidence that the character, unit, or other entity that the player controls, has as part of its anatomy or structural makeup, an ass or ass-analogue.
If multiple characters are controlled by the player, all of them must have asses (asses are not optional).
EXAMPLES OF ELIGIBLE GAMES:
- Super Mario Brothers: Mario is human, and therefore has an ass. If he did not have an ass, complications from asslessness would have killed him long before he could have possibly embarked on an adventuring career. Mario's status as having an ass is corroborated by having a more well-defined, three-dimensional ass in later games in the series, which are consequently also eligible.
- Boogerman: Snotty Ragsdale, the man behind the mask, has an ass. It is clear that he has an ass because he uses it for farting. Farting only comes from asses, by clinical definition.
- Duke Nukem: The Duke makes frequent verbal declarations as to his possession of and willingness to use an ass to poop. Quote, "I'll tear off your head and shit down your neck." Poop, like farts, also comes from asses.
- Star Fox: The anthropomorphic Fox McCloud is assumed to have an ass or ass-analogue. Neither he nor any other character might ever demonstrate throughout the series that they shit or fart, nor are bathrooms or similar designated pooping locations frequently sighted, but the presence of a physically-definable ass is enough to qualify for eligibility.
Notice that most eligible titles feature humans or humanoids as your playable character.
EXAMPLES OF INELIGIBLE TITLES:
- ToeJam & Earl: Earl's use of pants suggests that he may have an ass, but aside from his falling animation in the first TJE game, there is no indication that ToeJam has an ass. In fact, his alien physiology may render asses obsolete, and this may also be the case for all other denizens of Funkatron - they may very well wear clothing either as a fashion accessory or for modesty. The presence of food items in the games, taken with the absence of bathrooms, would suggest an assless alien biological paradigm. Whether or not this is the case, the possibility of asslessness exists, so it is not clear and convincing evidence.
- Taz-Mania:If Taz the Tazmanian Devil did not have an ass, his eating habits would have unimaginable gastric consequences; however, we can not assume that Taz does have an ass, as he has never been known to fart or poop. His tail may suggest an ass, but that could be a tentacle or a benign tumor (or possibly a misaligned scrotum).
(5:44:02 PM) Maximoose: Taz does not.
(5:44:06 PM) Tarrasque: no ass taz?
(5:44:06 PM) Maximoose: He is a triangle
My resident assologist points out that triangles do not have asses, and that Warner Brothers, Inc., is reluctant to confirm that their characters have asses. If, during the remix submission period, WB does make an official statement as to their characters having asses, tracks belonging to Taz-Mania and some other Warner Bros. characters with ass-ambiguous status starring in video games may become eligible titles. - Altered Beast: The protagonists in their human forms do appear to have asses, but it is unclear whether or not their Altered Beast forms also have asses, especially in the case of the green Dragon. Units under the control of the player must always have asses (asses NOT OPTIONAL).
- Sol-Deace: One might suggest that the player controls the pilot of the spaceship, who in turn controls the ship. This is not correct; you are not awarded "extra pilots" or "extra lives," you are awarded "extra ships," as evidenced by the spaceship shape of 1up icons. Also, the pilot is only referenced in select cutscenes, and does not make a definite appearance during the course of gameplay. Spaceships do not have asses.
- Guilty Gear: Most characters, especially Dizzy, have asses. However, Justice, Sol Badguy, Robo-Ky, Testament, and in fact Dizzy herself, are Gears, and as such have asses only as incidental structural formations - they are synthetic asses. Any Guilty Gear game wherein a Gear is playable is ineligible, and since Sol (THE Guilty Gear) is playable in every game in the series, none are eligible. All playable characters must have real asses.
BONUS: MY ASS
Let's not forget who else has an ass - that's right, you do! The bonus condition is met if you can muster up the hOLRiday spirit to audibly incorporate your own ass into your remix.
Ever wanted your best friend to rhythmically slap your ass to the sounds of Vectorman?
Been waiting for an excuse to fart in your microphone to show all your friends how flexible you are?
Don't know what to do with that audio recording of your colonoscopy?
This is the most wonderful time of the year... FOR YOU!
(Due to the difficulty and potential embarrassment involved in the providing of evidence that it really was your ass and not someone else's, using anyone's ass noises is fine, even if you don't know who they are. Special considerations may be given to contestants who can demonstrate that they did, in fact, use their own ass.)
The most ass-accessible OLRmageddon ever is in full swing, and remember: It is better to give than to receive! So submit a fucking remix seriously this contest is like a ghost town now.