Post by Stephen on Nov 28, 2010 21:22:23 GMT -6
YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
and this is how it will happen
Entering into the two-thousand and eleventh year of our Gord, we have spent
many generations preparing ourselves for the ultimate tragedy: The death of Betty White.
But since that's not going to happen, we can instead brace ourselves for the ultimate relief:
Everyone you hate is going to be killed by the universe itself, for no reason.
Also you will die too but that is an acceptable loss.
Why? Ask the Mayans, it's their fault!
Back before we invented science, all we knew was that the sun gods made bad things happen
when we didn't sacrifice enough goats to them. In modern times, we have invented marvels like
astronomy and theoretical physics, which tell us how many goats is enough - but the best
indicator of the End Times is still the very same calendar invented so many eons ago by a
race of mudeating polytheists with no internet access. It was very thoughtful of them to tell
us when time stops working! In our futuristic hubris, we just assumed that clocks start over
from the beginning when they run out of circle.
This error has cost us all. There will never be hovercars because of what we have done.
In celebration of this Grand Cosmic Cleansing, OLRemix and company will be kicking off 2011,
our final year to celebrate before Haggar piledrives a space shark facefirst into the planet,
by remixing the background music for Last Levels and End Bosses.
Eligible Titles
Note: The track you choose must be either the theme of the end boss, or the background music for the final level!
Ineligible Titles
Naughty, naughty! Don't pick these, or Cthulhu will eat you last!
BONUS: EVERYTHING MUST GO
Beyond 2011, there won't be any reason to buy anything anymore, because the Earth will be a
giant sandblasted marble devoid of life! It's your last chance to sell stuff to people!
You will earn your holiday bonus if your mix vocally advertises a commercial product!
Nothing inspires impulse buying like One Winged Angel, and the last time they played
Golden Silver's theme at Wal-Mart, I couldn't find a single box of E.L.Fudge cookies in stock!
I have to take Miralax or I'll die of an impacted colon! GOD HAS FORSAKEN ME!!
and this is how it will happen
Entering into the two-thousand and eleventh year of our Gord, we have spent
many generations preparing ourselves for the ultimate tragedy: The death of Betty White.
But since that's not going to happen, we can instead brace ourselves for the ultimate relief:
Everyone you hate is going to be killed by the universe itself, for no reason.
Also you will die too but that is an acceptable loss.
Why? Ask the Mayans, it's their fault!
Back before we invented science, all we knew was that the sun gods made bad things happen
when we didn't sacrifice enough goats to them. In modern times, we have invented marvels like
astronomy and theoretical physics, which tell us how many goats is enough - but the best
indicator of the End Times is still the very same calendar invented so many eons ago by a
race of mudeating polytheists with no internet access. It was very thoughtful of them to tell
us when time stops working! In our futuristic hubris, we just assumed that clocks start over
from the beginning when they run out of circle.
This error has cost us all. There will never be hovercars because of what we have done.
In celebration of this Grand Cosmic Cleansing, OLRemix and company will be kicking off 2011,
our final year to celebrate before Haggar piledrives a space shark facefirst into the planet,
by remixing the background music for Last Levels and End Bosses.
Eligible Titles
Note: The track you choose must be either the theme of the end boss, or the background music for the final level!
- Sonic the Hedgehog titles: If you didn't assume this was a given, it is probably okay that you will die.
- The Turrican series: Some tracks may be recycled from other games in the series, but it still counts.
- Ristar: Kaiser Greedy's theme is half-and-half, the first part being a unique piece, the second a
throwback to earlier boss themes. The first part of the arrangement is what qualifies it. - Chex Quest: Oh come on, let's just get to the stuff you aren't allowed to do.
Ineligible Titles
Naughty, naughty! Don't pick these, or Cthulhu will eat you last!
- The original Super Mario Bros.: The final encounter with Bowser in this game uses the same boss music
as every other encounter with Bowser. Sorry, Mario! This song is also in another castle. - Tetris games: No end boss, no final level, no dice.
- Street Fighter games, with the exception of MvC2 wherein Arcade Mode always ends with Abyss: A character
does not qualify as the end boss just because he shows up last on the arcade rotation if that character
is also playable. Shin Akuma might end you, but he might not always mark the end of a game, theme or no theme.
If you always face off against a specific character regardless of which character you play, however,
the game is eligible. An example would be the original Samurai Shodown title; even if you play as Amakusa, you will
fight him as the end boss, and he has a unique theme. - Garfield: Caught in the Act!: The end boss theme is the game's main theme. The track in question
must be used uniquely for either the end boss or the last level.
BONUS: EVERYTHING MUST GO
Beyond 2011, there won't be any reason to buy anything anymore, because the Earth will be a
giant sandblasted marble devoid of life! It's your last chance to sell stuff to people!
You will earn your holiday bonus if your mix vocally advertises a commercial product!
Nothing inspires impulse buying like One Winged Angel, and the last time they played
Golden Silver's theme at Wal-Mart, I couldn't find a single box of E.L.Fudge cookies in stock!
I have to take Miralax or I'll die of an impacted colon! GOD HAS FORSAKEN ME!!