Post by Stephen on Jan 30, 2011 23:52:16 GMT -6
CHINESE NEW QEAR
January marked the passing of a noble creature. As God made Adam from the earth,
and Eve from dirt, our resident Powers that Be cobbled together a far more graceless
and ungainly monster from cheap weed and MIDIs - its name was King of Pillows, and
learning from that mistake, they copied a more commercially successful community in a
shameless yet ultimately successful attempt at pandering for fame. This mule-faced clone
with half a club foot and thirty extra chromosomes would live four years before
circulatory problems and lead-based crayons laid him to rest... the only name he knew
was OLRmageddon. The only word he could spell was cat.
The month following OLRm's passage to the Land of Nod saw the Makers pawing over his corpse,
forensically dissecting it, coming to understand its fatal flaws. Before their first
son was even cold, a second was in the works. He was to be in every way superior;
this new child would be born to a hero's legacy, the instrument of kings; his fate, the people's.
Failure would mean the death of a nation. The Makers turned to the heavens for guidance,
and the omen given them was a Homo Rainbow.
Meanwhile, Adam had long since tired of Eve's compulsive hoarding of clothing and obsession with
LOLcats, and took to drowning his frustration in BEER. And if you frowned at that shallow
allegory for a previous remixing contest, you'll be even less impressed with this one: From the
crematory ashes of OLRm would rise a third, to comfort Adam, and to show him an alternative
lifestyle free of the insurmountable challenge of understanding a woman...
This one is named Steve. He is QEAR.
WHAT IS QEAR?
15 days of gay! Just as it takes two to marry (subject to state law), there are two distinct
but equally important individual elements in play: Remixing, and Voting.
REMIXING
I may have lead you to believe earlier that this is a personals site for gay Christian
necromancers looking for love, but that's only the Help forum. The rest of the site is about
remixing video game music.
Each iteration of the contest will have a Theme, which is further
modified by Bonus Criteria. All submissions must conform to
the contest's theme guidelines, and incorporate at least two of the bonus criteria - any more than
that will net you a cumulative +1 Overall bonus (explained later) during the Voting phase of the
next iteration. The number of bonuses available will vary from one cycle to the next, but there
will always be at least three.
Furthermore, all submissions must qualify for inclusion to the site's gallery. Contestants will
be notified as to the :yes: / :no: status of their submissions; if :no:, you sucked worse than
anyone could possibly tolerate, and you should try again without so much emphasis on how bad at
this game you truly are.
VOTING
As musicians arrange glorious pieces of ass to add to our growing collection here at OverLooked,
you will be able to vote on the asses presented to us during the previous round. Each submission
can be rated, from 0 to 3 points, on three inviolate aspects of the OLR experience:
LOL - Is the remix funny? Does it give you the chuckles? How many cat pennies is it worth?
OLR - Is it too bad? Too close to a MIDI rip? Not enough fart noises?
:sadmario: - Is this mix just perfect for OLR? Will you show it to your stupid friends? Toplist it in your profile?
Furthermore, there is an Overall category, which serves to quantify how you feel it compares
to the other submissions it's competing against. When the voting period ends, the votes will be tallied
and winners declared by category.
BUT ANYWAY ABOUT THE CHINESE NEW QEAR[/u][/size]
We all know that asians get excited about singing poorly - but with passion! In Japan, this is
called Karaoke; here at OLR, we call it ":yes:"
In honor of this proud cultural tradition of substituting attitude for competence, the first QEAR
competition will, by the Mandate of Heaven, involve any game which raises
important questions about the protagonist's qualifications or expertise.
Eligible Titles
Ineligible Titles
BONUSES:
January marked the passing of a noble creature. As God made Adam from the earth,
and Eve from dirt, our resident Powers that Be cobbled together a far more graceless
and ungainly monster from cheap weed and MIDIs - its name was King of Pillows, and
learning from that mistake, they copied a more commercially successful community in a
shameless yet ultimately successful attempt at pandering for fame. This mule-faced clone
with half a club foot and thirty extra chromosomes would live four years before
circulatory problems and lead-based crayons laid him to rest... the only name he knew
was OLRmageddon. The only word he could spell was cat.
The month following OLRm's passage to the Land of Nod saw the Makers pawing over his corpse,
forensically dissecting it, coming to understand its fatal flaws. Before their first
son was even cold, a second was in the works. He was to be in every way superior;
this new child would be born to a hero's legacy, the instrument of kings; his fate, the people's.
Failure would mean the death of a nation. The Makers turned to the heavens for guidance,
and the omen given them was a Homo Rainbow.
Meanwhile, Adam had long since tired of Eve's compulsive hoarding of clothing and obsession with
LOLcats, and took to drowning his frustration in BEER. And if you frowned at that shallow
allegory for a previous remixing contest, you'll be even less impressed with this one: From the
crematory ashes of OLRm would rise a third, to comfort Adam, and to show him an alternative
lifestyle free of the insurmountable challenge of understanding a woman...
This one is named Steve. He is QEAR.
WHAT IS QEAR?
15 days of gay! Just as it takes two to marry (subject to state law), there are two distinct
but equally important individual elements in play: Remixing, and Voting.
REMIXING
I may have lead you to believe earlier that this is a personals site for gay Christian
necromancers looking for love, but that's only the Help forum. The rest of the site is about
remixing video game music.
Each iteration of the contest will have a Theme, which is further
modified by Bonus Criteria. All submissions must conform to
the contest's theme guidelines, and incorporate at least two of the bonus criteria - any more than
that will net you a cumulative +1 Overall bonus (explained later) during the Voting phase of the
next iteration. The number of bonuses available will vary from one cycle to the next, but there
will always be at least three.
Furthermore, all submissions must qualify for inclusion to the site's gallery. Contestants will
be notified as to the :yes: / :no: status of their submissions; if :no:, you sucked worse than
anyone could possibly tolerate, and you should try again without so much emphasis on how bad at
this game you truly are.
VOTING
As musicians arrange glorious pieces of ass to add to our growing collection here at OverLooked,
you will be able to vote on the asses presented to us during the previous round. Each submission
can be rated, from 0 to 3 points, on three inviolate aspects of the OLR experience:
LOL - Is the remix funny? Does it give you the chuckles? How many cat pennies is it worth?
OLR - Is it too bad? Too close to a MIDI rip? Not enough fart noises?
:sadmario: - Is this mix just perfect for OLR? Will you show it to your stupid friends? Toplist it in your profile?
Furthermore, there is an Overall category, which serves to quantify how you feel it compares
to the other submissions it's competing against. When the voting period ends, the votes will be tallied
and winners declared by category.
BUT ANYWAY ABOUT THE CHINESE NEW QEAR[/u][/size]
We all know that asians get excited about singing poorly - but with passion! In Japan, this is
called Karaoke; here at OLR, we call it ":yes:"
In honor of this proud cultural tradition of substituting attitude for competence, the first QEAR
competition will, by the Mandate of Heaven, involve any game which raises
important questions about the protagonist's qualifications or expertise.
Eligible Titles
- Doctor Mario: When did he become a doctor? Why hasn't he been a doctor since? Why does
he prescribe antibiotics for everything? The obvious answer: Mario is not a doctor. - Ghosts n' Goblins: Anyone who has tried playing this game can testify to the fact that
Arthur has absolutely no business fighting anything, let alone dressing himself. - Final Fantasy VIII: "College students pass their final exams by traveling a short
distance to Mammoth Cave, KY, and slaying Satan within a time limit. Also, to use magic, you snort
glowing fumes from leaking gas vanes that crop up regularly throughout the landscape." - Shadowgate: You show up at a fortress crawling with the netherworld's finest, armed
with... two torches and the clothes on your back? This isn't Ramboism, this is someone's cruel
idea of a prank exile gone horribly right.
Ineligible Titles
- Goemon's Great Adventure: Your party consists of a hotheaded gangster, a fat ninja, a
psychotic robot, and a mermaid assassin? You've got TWO giant vanity mechs at your disposal?
Those ghosts better have life insurance. - Metroid games: The finest military technology available, a personal spaceship, and an
exosuit whose weapon systems integrate flawlessly with anything you find laying around on a
new planet? Samus was made for alien monster cleanup and galaxy rescue operations. - The Legend of Zelda titles: If your name's not Link, you have a problem. When
a random village child can take up a short sword and a castoff patch of tree bark and stand
against an entire race of triceratops with gullets that can weather a 15-pound explosive, the
only explanation is that fate has chosen the right child for the job. - Tetris: There's not really a protagonist in Tetris. I know Tetris Worlds lets you
create a Mino avatar for yourself, but that doesn't count. You're the one holding the controller,
it's not the blocks' fault if you suck.
BONUSES:
- Vocals: Do you like to sing? No? Then rip dialogue from unrelated
audio and try to sync it up with music! I guarantee the results will be just an unlistenable as
actual karaoke. - Authentic Asian Instruments: Nobody knows what a Shamisen or a Koto
is, but they include them on every Yamaha soundbank for a reason - and that reason is so you can
qualify for this bonus! - Zhang Jiao on Theology: Anyone who's played a recent Dynasty Warriors
title knows how much Zhang Jiao loves heaven! Everything is "of heavun~~!" It's weird because he
looks like Jesus and sets people on fire a lot! If your remix talks a lot about heaven, you will
have impressed the Yellow Turban's leader enough to earn this bonus!